


Tony Doesn’t Use a Robotic Dog to Seduce Captain America

by Fodforever



Series: What If's for 1796 Broadway... (go read it!) [4]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, I'm Sorry, M/M, my god, the schmooop, the schmoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-12
Updated: 2013-12-12
Packaged: 2018-01-04 11:15:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1080360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fodforever/pseuds/Fodforever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Here is the Tony-builds-a-robot-dog fic that almost no one asked for (I'm looking at you, divenire). Set in the 1796 Broadway universe, but this one doesn't rely on that story as much... mainly it relies on disgusting amounts of schmoop.</p><p>Do the Right Thing is a related fic, but I am posting this sepretly because it doesn't need much lead in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tony Doesn’t Use a Robotic Dog to Seduce Captain America

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [1796 Broadway](https://archiveofourown.org/works/972937) by [rainproof](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainproof/pseuds/rainproof), [teaberryblue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/teaberryblue/pseuds/teaberryblue). 



Tony doesn’t use a robotic dog to seduce Captain America.

He really doesn’t. He sees the need for the Avengers to have a companion, and that companion is obviously going to be a robotic dog. And he makes one, with his genius.

If you want to get technical, he seduces Steve Rogers with his genius.

It all starts when Steve has the audacity to imply that a robot dog would be, quote: “terrifying.” A robot dog that Tony would create. Ridiculous. This is offensive to Tony on so many levels. Steve _knows_ Tony’s machines are like family. Obviously DUM-E is bit of a block-head, and JARVIS loves to sass everyone, but… they’re the best things he’s ever done (he secretly includes the Iron Man armor in this sentiment, though in any interview he gives it’s always his superhero alter-ego that gets the lip service).

So Tony sets out to show Steve just how wrong he is. This dog is going to be the height of dog-to-human companionship. This dog is going to do tricks, learn how each person prefers to interact with a learning doggy AI, and will bring Avengers-themed slippers to anyone not wearing shoes.

This, will show Steve.

Tony loses days on the project. It’s almost like when he built the Mark II; nothing stops him. Steve comes down a few times to try to get him to take a break. Tony doesn’t even hear him as he plays back different barks from over 100 dog breeds and calculates the perfect curvature of the ears. Bruce even comes in to try and reason with him. Tony plays the Great Dane bark to the tune of “We Will Rock You” until he gives up and leaves.

Finally, after being sequestered for five days straight, Tony emerges triumphant. He looks like absolute hell, but the team gathers around as a distinct dog-shape pads around from behind him.

“This,” Tony announces “is LASS-E.”

The collective Avengers groan at the name (minus Steve, who thinks it’s pretty… he thought Tony would go for more of a cliché, like Rex or Fido).

 

* * *

 

Steve can’t help but smile at it. He thought Tony would make something that looked like the armor. Sleek and intimidating. But, this is… well, cute. Really cute. It looks like some kind of mutt, with a slightly overly-large head that comes up past Steve’s knees.

The shape and joints look realistic, but the face has slightly exaggerated features, with big eyes. To everyone’s surprise Natasha is the first to kneel down and pet her. The metal looks smooth, and seems to give very slightly under Natasha’s touch.

LASS-E makes a small yip of delight and puts one paw up on her bent knee, before tilting up to give three persistent licks to Natasha’s face.

Natasha laughs.

Steve has never heard Natasha laugh. She looks up at Tony and, well, it’s not a squeal. Natasha doesn’t squeal, but she makes a… noise, and says “Her tongue is warm!”

Tony looks like Christmas morning (if Christmas morning hadn’t slept in five days). “Warm, and smooth, but not wet!” he explains, rubbing his hands together. “I developed some new polymers for her body and tongue. Even the ears are extra soft!”

Steve feels his heart swell as Tony stares at his creation. He’s seen soldiers coming home look at their newborn baby boys with less pride.

Steve steps up to scratch behind her ears, and smiles at Tony, saying: “She’s great.”

Tony looks like he’s about to say something, but instead sways forward and almost crashes to the floor. Steve catches him mid-drop, slowly easing him to the ground.

“Tony! Are you alright?” Steve is scrambling to keep him upright and examine him at the same time. He looks to the team for help,

only to find them all crowded around LASS-E, ignoring their fallen team member.

Natasha spares them a glance from teaching the dog to ‘play dead,’ saying “He’s fine, he just needs sleep.” LASS-E dramatically clutches at her chest with a rounded metallic paw and lets out a pathetic whimper.

Clint hasn’t looked over toward Tony, but says “I can’t believe Stark actually made something actually badass for once. I wonder if she’s battle-ready? I bet I could attach an extra quiver of arrows-”

Steve shakes his head and scoops Tony up and takes him to bed. Things are still so up in the air, with everything… but Steve has to admit to himself that there is no one like Tony. As he’s tucking him in Tony mumbles “Good girl” a few times, but is obviously deeply asleep. Steve sits on the edge of the bed for a while, just looking.

He’s not sure how, or when, but once he’s got his head on straight he wants to give this a try. He wants to tuck Tony in and stay, and kiss his temple and turn out the light.

He turns out the light and returns to the group, who have taken to asking LASS-E to do random acts to see what Tony has programed (or what she can learn? Steve isn’t really sure how AI’s work).

When Bruce suggests “Hulk out?” to her with a tentative smile, everyone holds their breath.

LASS-E makes a cute grunting noise, and the metal polymer that covers her form changes from primarily silver-white (with blue feet and a red nose) to a vibrant green color.

Bruce dissolves into giggles and everyone else dog piles into the center of the room to wrestle with the best robotic dog ever.

 

* * *

 

LASS-E quickly becomes a fixture around the tower. Tony is still consistently amazed at his own awesomeness when she instinctively follows Bruce around for a week after he has what everyone can only assume was a not-so-great call from a former associate named Betty.

Or when she sits in Natasha’s lap after an especially taxing mission, turning on her warming function to sooth her aching muscles, and absently licking her arm as she reads.

Clint and LASS-E Tear. It. Up. Balls are thrown, arrows are caught mid-air in her jaws, and Clint actually does get to take her on a mission (though she has to stay in the hellicarrier).

Thor comes back from Asgard and seems delighted by her, before quickly moving on to being delighted by Clint’s ancient Game Boy, and then moving on to delighting in Flamin’ Hot Cheetos.

No one is surprised that after Tony, Steve is her favorite.

Whenever Steve is in the room she automatically runs up to him, barking for him to play with her or scratch her ears. Steve is almost always happy to oblige, and on the rare occasion he is trying to do something important (finding the channel with talking the Sponge in the Pineapple is important!), her helpless whines and dejected lowered tail make him give in soon enough.

One day a couple months after LASS-E’s introduction when he and Tony are finally settling in to watch Indiana Jones, she comes up to him as usual and puts her paws up on his lap.

Steve pets her and smiles, but instead of her usual happy grin a look of deep concentration forms on her face and she opens her mouth.

“Ruh! Ruoni. Rowni” she barks. Looking pointedly at Tony.

Steve and Tony both stop to stare. This isn’t like any bark she’s made before.

LASS-E shakes her head and begins again.

“Ro-ni.” She points the tip of her nose at Tony.

“Ruvs” her nose dips to Steve’s heart.

“Roo” and she points her nose at Steve.

Steve sits there for a moment. He’s in the future, and a robotic dog has just told him that Tony Stark loves him. He turns to Tony, who looks both horrified and proud.

“Uhh, yeah we’ve been watching Scooby-Doo a lot” says Tony.

Steve laughs, leaning forward and pressing his forehead into LASS-E’s skull, before saying

“Me too.”

 

To no ones surprise, LASS-E is the ring bearer three years later at their wedding.

DUM-E is jealous. 

**Author's Note:**

> There are no words for this level of schmoop. I am so sorry. I feel like I need to bathe in the blood of innocents or something to shake this off. Seriously, I almost killed LASS-E because this is just too sweet…


End file.
